Connor and I have been married for three years now. In some ways, that’s a long time. It’s been road trips and flights around the U.S., mission work in Mexico, three moves, attending lots of weddings, countless nights of working things out, a pregnancy and a baby, and learning to be husband and wife as well as daddy and mommy. We have gotten a decent chunk of life under our belt together.
But three years, in some ways, isn’t a long time. We’ve each only had three birthdays while married, still get giddy when we kiss, sometimes it takes a lot of work to understand why the other person is upset with us, we have 17 years ahead of us until Leland becomes an official adult, and I still cook things for dinner that I totally forgot Connor doesn’t even like.
I see couples who have been married for a long time. They say they still work for their marriage, but things seem to come so easily to them! The wife handles a van-full of kids, makes her husband feel like a hero, is gracious in her speech, and looks super cute on top of all of that! #wifegoals And the husband! He schedules date night every week, the kids run to him when he comes home because he’s obviously a great daddy, he says sweet things about his wife on social media all the time, and he is involved in two Bible studies at church and even leads one of the them. He seems to have everything all put together!
Sometimes it frustrates me how “far behind” we seem.
And because I’m a sinful human being, always ready to see the flaws in others and not so much myself, my mind very quickly seems to go to the way my husband is definitely not that husband. Connor steps on my toes, he doesn’t know my needs without me telling him (imagine that!), he isn’t always sacrificial and happy, he has bad days, he hasn’t worked out all the kinks in our marriage, and he seems to be trying to figure out what to prioritize and how to balance the craziness of life that we are emerged in.
He’s not that husband. Apparently, my husband is human.
But I got to thinking the other day.
That husband has a 20-year head-start! And they are still working things out (even if I don’t get to see those things)! Won’t we all be working things out…forever? Won’t there always be more to grow, more to improve, more to learn as two people become one flesh?
In 3 short years, Connor has learned when he expresses something too harshly how to quickly diffuse the situation by telling me he isn’t mad at me. He has figured out my favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate (with lots of extra chocolate things in it) and that it’s one of the best things to get for me when I’ve had a rough day. He has held my hands through the birth of our son, and has cared for me through nursing, a blood clot, discouragement, and constant wondering if I’m a good mom. He shows so much understanding when I get super emotional and cry over a ruined dinner. He knows that when I’m having a breakdown, the best thing is to hold me tight and run his hands through my hair. He reassures my ever-doubting mind that he loves me and that I am incredibly beautiful, even after adding some stretch marks and some postpartum evidence to my body.
What a crazy awesome husband to have learned so much in such a short time, and to have been such a star student of his wife!
He is the steady to my emotional. He is the spend to my save. He is the strong to my doubt. He is the calm to my storm. He is the go to my wait. And! He completely loves Jesus! He is so perfect for me!
He is willing to give and take. He is willing to admit he is wrong, say “I’m sorry,” and to ask my forgiveness. He is willing to learn, and change, and grow. He is always working on becoming a better person, a better husband, and a better father. He knows he’s not perfect, and he does everything in his power to bless me, care for my heart, and continuously make our marriage better. Because marriage is made up of two sinners. So he fights for it.
I absolutely adore the man my husband is.
And he is just getting started!!